What can you do when you don't know anymore which voices are logical or emotional?

When you are torn between 2 major decisions, where both of them seems to be clouded by your chaotic feelings. When you tried to decide with logic, but are told that your logics are no longer logical. Where the 'logical' decision may not be 'practical' and the 'practical' decision may not be 'logical'.

Does moving out means moving on? Or is it making me move closer to something that I should let go?

While having really no time to think over it. It's today or tomorrow. Decide. Go or no go.

And here I am just rambling on my blog because I feel like I have to throw this out somewhere.

Sigh...

The Appearance Industry

We are all products of the appearance industry.
Girls, especially. Poor those who are shackled to those fancy dress, clingy accessories, thick makeup, and shampoo-ad hair. Why do we care so much about our appearance? Is it not enough to look clean and healthy? Do we have to be stylish and beautiful like how the society has set the standard for us? We are all victim.

Looking further, the poorest victim of all is actually our celebrities. They always have to look the way we want them to be seen by us. When they look like something we don't want them to look, they're hated. Isn't it painful to be in their shoes?

On the other hand, we have a choice to follow the flow or stand ignoring the common views. But since we're indoctrinated ever since we started to be able to remember, our mind is already filled with appearance-minded thoughts. Like, no matter how carefree a girl is, she'll still say that those celebrities are beautiful. And as the time goes, it may be possible that she will someday want to look like how the society wants her to look too.

Is there any way to end this appearance evil-chain?

Is there someone who is really free in this world?
Let's ask the dancing grass~

Done~

All that must be done, is done now.
-2012-

The Reason(s)

We always think that something happens because of a reason.
A main reason.

While in fact, most of the time something happens as the result of many small reasons.
Small reasons that may seem unimportant.

But the trouble with human is, we always fail to realize how actually those small reasons are what counted in our lives.

All The Values I Have Been Given

I decided to relive my desire for writing. And mostly, it is because of you.
I choose to write here, because this is the reason I made this blog for the first time anyway. This blog got abandoned for a long time, forgotten..... As if I have tons of treasures to share, yet I cannot find them, like they're lost, then forgotten..

Thinking and searching, I just can't find them, I can't figure out what's missing.... I think I know what has been missing. A blog doesn't need to be thought of too much. You know, sometimes the solution of a problem you've been thinking so much, is to think about it less.

And now, you have given me many lessons, much new thoughts, much new memories to the brain of this human, or much new data to the harddisk of this robot.

And somehow, I want to collect them all, as pieces and fragments of my thoughts.

I don't know whether you read this or not, but if you read this.... Maybe there will be some posts that can make your heart questions me, or can even hurt you, but I just want to say this to you :

All what I wrote here is the thoughts and feelings, if they're really feelings, that have been screaming continuously inside me.
Even though what I write may hurt you, but while writing that, I have no intention of hurting you whatsoever. I'm just pouring out what my thoughts are, especially reacting to the current situation and conditon.
I have no intention of hurting you from the back, and if anything I write here makes you think so, please forgive me. I will explain every single word to you, if necessary..

If you feel what I write here contradicts what I'm saying out on the front.. well... maybe I can't deny that for some parts, but I just want to tell you, that I'm aware of everything I say and write, outloud frontally, or in twitter, or here, or anywhere. Some people may see me as a hypocrite, but in fact, I'm just a bunch of thoughts about everything from various point of views. And that thoughts are continuously battling inside me. And I'm still learning which thoughts are whose, and which ones are right. Or moreover, what is 'right' anyway?

And though I'm still learning the true meaning of this sentence, I'll say
"I love you."

And the dead shall be revived....

And the dead shall be revived, like an old lady finding an old archive box filled with lost stories..........

And shall the stories be alive, once again.

Liley and Christie

Liley, Liley.....
For Christie, Liley is always so unreachable.....

-Play the game. And I'll be watching you.-
Said Liley.

Christie and Liley are like best friends.
But what are best friends?
Do best friends never have any negativity towards each other?
Because then they won't be.
But they know each other.
Very well.
Very well, too well to even know each other's side which the other one dislikes.
They hate each other.
But do you know that hate is a pained love?

Christie is a cheerful person.
She can never lies : that she's almost never sad.

Liley is a calm and cold person.
She prefers to observe laughters, rather than laughing together.
She is the role of an observant.

Christie feels she's always faking her feelings.
That she always wears the mask of smile and laughter.
Sometimes she wants to appear like Liley, and shows her true feelings.
But she can never be.

Christie is a realist.
Christie knows what is her strength and weakness.
Christie also knows that we cannot have everything.
But Christie is always afraid that she will make Liley sad.

Liley is a free person.
Liley does many things.
Liley can be anything.
Liley always knows everything.
Liley is the perfect figure.
The figure Christie always wants to be.

Liley and Christie love almost everything.
But sometimes Christie thinks that much of their love are fake.
That they don't really love it actually.
That they only believe that they love it.

In making decisions,
They often fight.
Christie knows what's best, even though she may sacrifice her other love for that.
Liley believes that everything can be achieved.
Liley wants to fight for what she really loves.
But Christie says that she has to know the size of her palms, and how much water she can fill in her hands.

Sometimes they find a middle road.
But sometimes Liley wins.
But often Christie wins.

But
Even though Christie is happy with her decision, she always wishes that she could have understood Liley better.

It's not that Christie hates her decisions. Or regret it, no.
She loves her way, yet she hates that her way is different from Liley.
She hates that she loves it.

Why Liley, why do you always have to whisper "It should have been that way"?
And why?
Why do Christie always wants to be Liley?